​We put down Duncan yesterday.
Seventeen years old, he caught four mice within the last week of his life, but what we suspect was stomach cancer left him unable to digest anything and perpetually hungry.
 
I often told friends, “We have two cats, one that I love, and Duncan. I’ll be sad when Duncan goes, but I’ll weep when Daisy dies.” (Daisy is eighteen and still full of exploratory vigor.)
 
But I cried yesterday.
Cried when my kids said goodbye. Cried when I tried to explain the meaning behind all the notes my daughter decorated on the burial case to the vet. Cried while driving up to my parents’ home to bury him next to Tiger, Sparky, and Noel. 

​Duncan was a jerk.
 
We adopted him from the animal shelter in Castaic, CA a year after Daisy. Where Daisy was unaffectionate and aloof, Duncan loved being pet. But he was also extraordinarily anxious. His need for attention was slightly stronger than his fear of plastic bags crinkling, sneezes, and light gusts of air, though, so he fearfully sought attention wherever he could find it. If he was snuggling on our laps and heard the faucet turn on three rooms away he would leap from our laps as if a greyhound race just burst into the room. And he wouldn’t jump off with care for our wellbeing. Every claw unsheathed, digging deeply into our tender lap-flesh, to give him the greatest possible momentum to escape the greyhound nightmare. . . or the faucet from three rooms over.
 
I still bear the scars.
 
But the jerkwad train doesn’t end there.
 
Daisy was a year older than him, and when we introduced them, she tried to mother him through cleaning and playing, but he always returned her affection with cheap shots and aggression. And even though Daisy has always been physically larger than him, Duncan would bully her from her bed, or food bowl. Most often Daisy would just let him have whatever he wanted – although she did remind him from time-to-time that she could trounce him in a wrestling match.
 
Duncan was also vindictive. Years ago, when we lived in Michigan, a good friend came to visit us. We installed a cat door so the kitties could make their way to the litterbox unimpeded. Duncan didn’t like this, and surmised my friend was the reason for the new door, so he pooped on his bed. These kinds of pettiness marked the cat.
 
The worst offense of Duncan was what he did in the middle of the night when my kids were little. If he didn’t receive the affection or attention he wanted, he would go outside the baby’s room and caterwaul at the top of his lungs to wake them, and us, up. I read once that the brains of sleep deprived parents are similar to the brains of people undergoing torture. Duncan didn’t care. 

​So why did I cry when we put Duncan down?
 
Two reasons.
 
The first is about my own spiritual journey. My wife Kristin can attest there were multiple times I wanted to get rid of Duncan or make him a permanent outdoor cat. Around this time voice assistants like Alexa and Siri were becoming popular. I read an article about how people would rage and scream at the assistants. I came to the conclusion this behavior wasn’t helpful because while it doesn’t affect the robot, it trains our souls to embrace rage. While my frustrations with Duncan never became screaming rage fits, I didn’t like him and was convicted by the Holy Spirit this wasn’t only unhealthy for him, but it was shaping my soul to dislike anyone who annoyed me. I began making concerted efforts to love him. Especially when he annoyed me. (Without reinforcing negative behavior.) And my affection for him grew. And I saw over the years that my ability to love him and very troublesome people also grew.
 
Second. Duncan loved my kids. I already mentioned that he was a nervous cat, so he was rightly terrified of the kids when they were young. We monitored their interactions, but toddlers and preschoolers are rough and tumble. Daisy wanted nothing to do with the kids. (Which, despite my daughter’s best efforts, largely continues to this day). Duncan’s need for affection slightly outweighed his terror, though. Duncan was often an emotional support cat to my kids.
He loved them.
They loved him.
And I loved him for it.
 
In his final days Duncan caught four mice. One of them he brought to me in bed – booping my nose with it to show me what he brought for me. The cat knew his time was up. I imagine he was concerned for me and wanted to make sure I had something to eat after he was gone. Which was ironic because he begged for food at the table like a dog. Even as I write this at the dinner table his absence is felt. I couldn’t sit at the table without his incessant demand for food. 

​I saw scholar and author Karen Swallow Prior lost a beloved pet recently as well. When I grew up in the church, the question of pet’s eternal destination was an emphatic no. I’ve soften that stance over the years, after all Jesus is making the New Heaven and New Earth which is  populated with animals – why not remake our beloved pets? And if all creation awaits for the messiah – why not renew the animals?
In her recent article, Prior refers to her article from Christianity Today on this topic which I found helpful. 

​Dr. Prior is a gift to us all.
Duncan was a tri-coastal cat, living on the Westcoast, Great Lakes Coast, and the East Coast.
 
Goodbye Duncan. You taught me how to grow my love. You loved my children well. You are missed. 

​America has a hate problem.
 
This problem is owned by the political right and the political left.
 
As the hate problem continues to grow, we will see a rise in violence like we saw with the murder of Charlie Kirk, and the Annunciation Catholic School shooting before that, and State Rep. Melissa Hortman before that…
 
And while I believe the Church has the tools to help us out of this, we are using the hammer of Thor to try and build our own warped version of Christendom instead of the Kingdom of God. 

​The Church in America has a hate problem too.
 
The violence will only increase unless something changes.
How can America escape this death spiral of violence?
 
The solution can’t be hatred of the other side. It is very easy to demonize people outside of our political tribe, while excusing the bad behavior of people we perceive to be on our side. But for any change in America to take place, we need to first recognize the hatred within our own allies, and the hatred within our individual hearts.
 
I am a non-partisan. Not because I don’t have strong political opinions. I do. But because I am a Christian first – above all other allegiance. Consider the words of Jesus, “‘My kingdom is not of this world,’ said Jesus. ‘If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would fight….’” This means that every follower of Christ will never be truly at home in the political systems of humanity. We might have leanings and preferences, but the Republican party is not the Kingdom of God. The Democratic party is not the Kingdom of God. The United States of America is not the Kingdom of God.
 
Many Christians in America have found their identity too tightly joined to national political systems. And we participate in the GREAT PILE OF HATE that is exploding in violence.
 
Sure, we recognize the hatred when the other side participates, but we excuse the hatred on our own side and within our own hearts. Both the political left and political right are not honest about their own hate, or at the most they justify it.
 
I am going to write a sentence that will bother half of my readers:
President Trump has said hateful things.
 
Now I am going to bother the other half:
Many on the political left hate Trump supporters.
 
I could continue, and offer quotes, and social media posts, and offer detailed analysis and evidence, but let’s just be honest and move forward.
 
Just look at the murder of Charlie Kirk. Go onto social media. Find an article. I see hateful comments from the left almost justifying his assassination. I also see hateful comments from the right using this as an opportunity to demonize every elected and unelected democrat.
 
Something is broken in America when our first response to murders and school shootings is political hatred. The correct first response is grief. Grief is a process, and our response to violence does not end with grief, but if we can’t lament, the cycle of hate and violence will continue unhindered.
 
The GREAT PILE OF HATE continues to grow in America.
The political left hates Donald Trump’s hate so they feel justified in hating the hater.
The political right hate the culture shifts and platforms of the left so they feel justified in hating the ones who support the damaging platform.
 
Hate will never undo hate.
 
When you hate your enemies, it only makes the situation worse.
 
Look at the GREAT PILE OF HATE image below. As I see it, Americans are largely addressing hate with hate, which only makes the problem grow.

​The problem is multiplied because we won’t acknowledge the hatred in us. We might say to ourselves: I just feel strongly about this. This is righteous anger. I’m just really concerned.
Or we might find ourselves yelling at the news. But I think a good indication of hatred comes out in name-calling:
                        “They’re just woke.”
                        “Those bigots.”
 
The bigger the GREAT PILE OF HATE grows, the more violence we’ll see. And that pile will continue to grow as long as we keep adding to it. It will keep growing until we can be honest with ourselves about the hate we have in our own hearts. It will become a mountain unless I change. Unless I repent. Unless I ask God to help me to stop hating, and to somehow help me to love my enemies.
 
The Church has the tools to answer this current crisis. Jesus said, ““You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven. For he causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous” (Matthew 5:43-45).
 
How can America escape this death spiral of violence? By practicing love for our enemies.
When we stop hating the haters, we stop adding to the GREAT PILE OF HATE. But Jesus doesn’t tell us to disengage and walk away. Instead he tells us to love. Add love to the equation.
 
Do you know what happens if you throw seeds into a pile of garbage? Something miraculous. Those seeds start to grow. Slowly at first, but then faster with each passing day they can transform the refuse into life. 

​This doesn’t mean we are silent about injustices and harms. It means we need to respond differently. The Apostle Paul didn’t say to do nothing in the face of evil. Instead he said, “Do not be conquered by evil, but conquer evil with good” (Romans 12:21).
 
What are some practical steps we can take?

• Criticize your own political tribe first.
• Pray “God I ask that this politicians plans don’t go forward, but I ask that you bless him/her with a deep relationship with Jesus.”
• Pray “God help me to oppose this action, but give me your power so I can love the leader and his/her supporters.”
• Spend time with someone from a different political tribe. You don’t have to talk politics, just get to know and appreciate them as a person.

 
The only way out of this death spiral of violence is by practicing love for our enemies.
 
We need to love our enemies.
I need to love my enemies.
 
Stop adding to the pile of hate.
Sow love. 

Is Jesus Fighting Against Southern Baptist Leadership?
 
I read through the Guidepost Solutions Independent Report on the handling of sex abuse allegations by the Executive Committee of the Southern Baptist Convention. I spent Sunday evening on it.

There was almost nothing in there surprising. Shocking, tragic, and despicable, but not surprising. I’ve been nauseous and angry over the last four days.
 
Then the question occurred to me: Is Jesus fighting against Southern Baptist leadership?
 
Let me back up a bit. I’ve served in two Southern Baptist churches since 2006. I’ve participated in state conventions, and local associations. I’ve been friends with trustees from almost every major SBC entity. I’ve had direct conversations and phone calls with a number of SBC elites during my ministry – when I feel convicted to challenge a decision or direction, I try to reach out directly.
 
I have always felt like an outsider trying to understand. I love how we have a system to collaborate in missions, disaster relief, and church planting. At the same time, though, the system of power is problematic. While SBC entity leadership says that we are a bottom-up convention (meaning the churches are the ones with the power), the reality is we are a top-down organization. Our bylaws certainly define us as a bottom-up convention of churches. But many leaders in SBC entities hold onto power by withholding information from the convention or the trustee teams. They hold onto power and control the narrative by putting friends into places of power – the good ol’ boy system. They hold onto power through the insidious SBC Eleventh Commandment, which is an informal rule that no matter how bad things get, Southern Baptists never speak against Southern Baptists. Actually, it’s not always an informal rule. I’ve seen a number of entities incorporate the rule into their employee and trustee code of conducts as grounds for dismissal.
 
(Which let’s be fair, petty vitriol over philosophy of ministry or minute points of theology should be avoided. But the eleventh commandment has silenced many from speaking up about abuses of power.)
 
This brings us to the Guidepost Solutions’ Report of the Independent Investigation . In this report we see credible and extensive documentation of the Executive Committee leadership bullying sex abuse survivors, withholding information from the trustees, burying information, and protecting powerful friends (my interpretation). We also saw reports of two past SBC presidents engaging in sexual abuse themselves. (One was characterized in the report as sexual assault. The other described as a mutual affair between a pastor and a woman he once pastored. This is still considered sexual abuse, and is illegal in thirteen states.)
 
Over the last few days, I’ve seen SBC leaders post their responses to the report. Generally, they’ve talked about being horrified, having compassion for the survivors, and wanting to work to make the SBC a safer convention.
 
Seeing these sentiments made me angry.
And I couldn’t figure out why for a day.
 
Hopefully, I’ve laid out this post well enough that you know why it made me angry. The system that enabled the Executive Committee to gaslight sex abuse survivors, protect abusive pastors, and withhold information from the trustees, is the same system that I’ve observed in other SBC entities.
 
I have no knowledge of other entities mishandling sex abuse cases.
But the same system of withholding information, good ol’ boy system of promoting, and eleventh commandment enforcement is pervasive throughout the entities of the convention. Not in equal measure, but we’re all aware of how the system works, and what we need to do if we want to climb the ladder to success.
 
While the leaders of the other entities may not have committed the evils the Executive Committee have – our overall system has led to this end. Many of our SBC leaders endorsed and supported these Executive Committee leaders outlined in the report. Instead of saying How terrible, we will work to do better, our leadership should be saying, How terrible, we allowed it to get this bad!
 
The Executive Committee and Baptist Press have apologized and repented. There’s more to do, but that’s a start.
 
There has been almost no repentance from the other SBC Leadership, and no repentance on the part of those named in the Guidestone report other than Steve Gaines.
 
For years I’ve heard from SBC leadership how we’re under spiritual attack. But maybe the attack hasn’t been from Satan. Maybe it has been from God himself.
 
Satan is involved, for sure. He has promised power and influence. He has encouraged silence and misdirection for the good of the organization. But I suspect that much of the warfare has been coming from the Lord.
 
In the book of Revelation, the glorious, risen Lord appears to John. He has a sword coming out of his mouth. He looks ready to make war. And in the next scene, we don’t see him fighting against his enemies in the world. In a shocking twist we see him battle against his own Church! In chapters 2 and 3, five out of the seven churches receive harsh warnings:

• I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.
• So repent! Otherwise, I will come to you quickly and fight against them with the sword of my mouth.
• Unless they repent of her works, I will strike her children dead.
• Remember, then, what you have received and heard; keep it, and repent. If you are not alert, I will come like a thief, and you have no idea at what hour I will come upon you.
• As many as I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be zealous and repent.

 
Has the decline in SBC membership and baptisms been because of our convention’s hidden sins?
Has the risen Lord been fighting against us? Rebuking and disciplining us until we repent?
 
I think so.
 
And I think God has contended against our convention by first empowering the survivor community. Then, I think God has contended against our convention by using news organizations to uncover our shame. After this, I think God awoke the churches to the hidden sins in the convention, and despite the best efforts to block us and ignore us, we prevailed to have an investigation done.
 
Never have I seen so many people, fight so hard so we would have the opportunity to repent.
 
But it wasn’t just the Executive Committee that was broken. We are broken.
 
Look, to the best of my knowledge myself and the church I serve has never gaslit abuse survivors. We’ve tried to support and resource survivors. We’ve posted the sermon “What Will Happen if the Church Ignores Sexual Abuse?” on our homepage for over four years. But even still, in response to our reading of Daniel 9 – The Orchard Church repented.
 
And we will continue to do so.
 
Because from my perspective, Satan deceived many of our leaders into sin with the promise of a stronger convention, and many took it. And the Lord, because of his love for his Church, has been disciplining us.
 
Many have done evil in the name of God.
Do not misuse the name of the Lord your God, because the Lord will not leave anyone unpunished who misuses his name (Exodus 20:7).
 
The terrifying part in all this, is that the Lord will continue to discipline and continue to rebuke until there is repentance.
 
And then – only then can we begin to bear fruit.
Therefore produce fruit consistent with repentance (Matthew 3:8).
 
We cannot move forward as a convention until we repent as a convention.
 
I plead with our convention leaders, repent. Repent on behalf of the entities you lead.
And if you have personal culpability, repent now. God is going to reveal everything that is hidden. Yes, you may have to lose your position, but you will gain a right relationship with the One who created and upholds all things.
 
It’s only after we’ve done this that we can be empowered by Jesus to fix what is broken in our convention.

Father, 
​God of peace. God of truth. God of life. 

Why? Why? Why? 

​Not again. Not again. Not again. 

A young man targets people based on their ethnos? Men and women created by you. Loved by you. Bearing your image! 

A young man targets children. Precious little ones. Like the one our Lord welcomed. Like the ones our Lord said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to.  

Father, are you not mightier than these evil men? Could you not stop them? Prevent them? Send someone to intervene in their lives before this happens? 

Our hands shake with grief and they ball up in rage. 

This has to stop. 
Put an end to it Lord. 
Show us the way to put an end to it.

Spirit of God, comfort the families in Buffalo, Uvalde, and beyond. 
Give them your peace, 
not as the world gives it, 
not from their current circumstances, 
but that can only come from You. 
May they feel your loving arms wrapped around them. 
May they feel your presence in their
anger, 
weeping, and
bitter sorrow. 

Father God be with the survivors, 
the children, 
the men, 
the women, 
who witness these horrors. 
Heal the wounds on their bodies, and
send your servants to help heal the wounds in their souls. 

Help us in our distress God. 
Search our hearts and reveal any evil within. 

We repent. 

Help guide our political leadership to find unity and wise laws - 
for we know you will use the law to restrain evil. 

Help guide us to our neighbors in distress. 
May we become a community again. 
Mothers to the motherless. 
Fathers to the fatherless. 
Sons and daughters to the childless. 
Sisters and brothers to all. 

Heal our land, Father. 
Change me. 
Change us. 
Change our country. 

In the Name of Jesus. 
Amen.

Personal Steps
I do not have answers or solutions. 
This is not definitive. But a friend of mine pointed out that bad ideas often lead to good ideas. 
So, I offer some thoughts about things we can do:

1. Cool down the angry rhetoric. America has been characterized by rage for the last decade. There is a time for righteous anger... but not every day. This angry rhetoric more often than not using dehumanizing vulgarity or terms for political opponents. When we dehumanize people or groups, they become more enraged and act in inhumane ways. This also makes a person vulnerable to radical ideologies. We must become people who disagree with grace. 
2. Check in on young people. Get to know people in your community. Volunteer to help out with basketball or soccer. Volunteer at the high school. Evil breeds in darkness and it cannot survive in the light. Many of these young men need people who will come alongside and support them. If healthy people aren't speaking into their lives, the monsters of this world will. 
3. Invite young people to volunteer. This might require us to join churches or community groups first. But getting young people involved in helping others, builds their self-worth and gives them purpose. We need to invite young people to invite their friends (and acquaintances, and that one kid no one knows very well) to do something greater than themselves. 
4. Love the young people in your life. Most everyone has young people in their lives. Maybe your own children, nieces or nephews, cousins, co-worker's kids, or people in the neighborhood. Invest time and money in them. As appropriate, send text messages, send letters, make phone calls, offer them books, ask what you can be praying about in their lives. Make some regular intentional contact so they know someone cares. 

Possible Political Steps
These are some thoughts. Maybe some of these bad ideas can lead to good ones. 
Those of you who know me, know that I am a big proponent of political cooperation. 
I also believe that one of the reasons God has given us government is to restrain evil. It will always do so imperfectly, but minimizing evil is better than letting it go unfettered. 

Here are some very flawed thoughts:

1. Security Guard or Police at the Entrance of Schools A friend of mine in banking told me that people who are up to no good don't want to be greeted at the door. Just having a greeter can minimize people with violent intent. I understand this would be an enormous cost. And there's possibly better measures. 
2. Mandatory classes and psychological evaluations of gun owners from 18-25. Ok, hear me out gun-rights advocates. I think this might be something both the right and left can get behind. The vast majority of these mass shootings are being carried out by young men in this age bracket. Let's do something to try and minimize access to deadly weapons to people who should not have them. In many states if young people want to get a driver's license, they need to first take a series of classes before they're allowed to take a written test and driving test. Car insurance companies require a very high premium for drivers under the age of 25. Let's face it, at 18 most of us made some pretty bad choices. I don't know of any parent who would hand over control of their household finances to their 18-year-old kids. So, let's take a page out of the traffic laws and require adults who are most prone to volatile decisions (18-25), to complete mandatory training, and complete mandatory evaluations to minimize violent people getting their hands on deadly weapons. 
3. Make Internet pornography an opt-in service. I think pornography is a blight on human society. A public health crisis. But I know we live in a free​ country. Fine. Let's not restrict it, but let's make access to the majority of pornographic websites something a person has to opt-in to with their internet service provider, and not something we have automatic access to. It is well documented that viewing pornography rewires the brain. Over time, a porn user's brain stops associating people as people, and it begins viewing people as objects. Objects! I know this proposal is a long shot. Porn makes a lot of corporations a lot of money. But if we wonder how a person can mass-murder people, even children, it's because they no longer see people as people. They see them as things. Not image-bearers, loved by God. Objects and obstacles to be removed. Porn does that to the brain. (And no, I'm not saying everyone who looks at porn is going to become a mass-murderer. I am saying that it removes a moral barrier that can lead to dehumanizing people.)

Those are some of my imperfect thoughts. 

What other personal steps do you think people could take? 
​What are some political moves we could realistically take to minimize this evil? 

I'm going to spend some more time in prayer for my community today. 

I am not sure how I stumbled across this message. It was likely on Twitter under the #ChurchToo hashtag. I am incredibly grateful for Diane Langberg, Ph.D., for her words of wisdom last year entitled Power, Deception, and the Church.

The entire message is worth listening to, but this quote (around the 31 minute mark) struck me as particularly timely for The Church in the Western World.

Here's some of what Dr. Langsberg said about loving Christian leaders who abuse their power:

"And yes, the abuser - like all of us - is invited to be part of the ungiven [the protective Christian community], but that only becomes possible (and hear me clearly) when the light is shining in the darkness, and the offender falls down before our crucified God knowing that it is against that wounded savior that he has sinned.  And that abuser, who gets to that place, will demand nothing from any human – no position, no place of power, no restoration, no forgiveness. He will acknowledge (she will acknowledge) the inability to live in truth, and know better than anybody else knows that they are not to be trusted and that the actions they committed are theirs and theirs alone.

This is how we love abusers: By letting them be stripped of the trappings that they have used to deceive themselves.”

It seems to me that God is in the process of purifying his Church here in America. Part of that process is bringing many forms of spiritual abuse to light.

I am largely posting this so I can find this for future use, but I hope you find it useful too.

Dear Dr. Frank S. Page,
 
I am writing this letter for a number of reasons. First, it is to express my deep disappointment in your moral failing. Second, it is for the benefit of the church I serve, that they might follow Christ more closely. Finally, it is for the benefit of my friends and family who do not know Jesus.
 
I am a Millennial pastor serving in a small church in Northern Michigan. I was not raised in the SBC but having been serving in Southern Baptist churches for the last twelve years.
 
I can only assume from your follow-up statement to your first resignation that you mean adultery when you say “personal failing” and “personal indiscretion”. If this is the case, please clarify your sin. We live in a culture that uses language to minimize sin. Adultery is not an affair, a fling, or a personal indiscretion. When we minimize sin, we minimize our need for the Savior.
 
Because you have used terms that our entire culture will interpret as adultery, I am responding to your resignation with that assumption.
 
At the very least, I call on you to prorate any monies and benefits you received from the SBC (including travel, meals, conferences, etc.) from the time this relationship began. Please return these funds to the Cooperative Program. Both of the SBC churches I have served in have given faithfully and sacrificially to the CP. My current church is in desperate need of a larger sanctuary. We are growing in leaps and bounds. It is difficult for us to see our massive need to serve more people with the gospel, then look at our giving over the years and see that some of those funds have been used to enable you to lead us while committing grievous sin.
 
Please return the funds.
 
More importantly, if indeed you have committed adultery, your sin goes far beyond adultery. Because of your power, authority, and influence, it is sexual abuse. Perhaps it is not sexual abuse that is illegal but remember that the law is the absolute bottom of morality, not the top. Just because something is legal, does not mean it is moral or acceptable in God’s eyes.
 
King David sexually abused Bathsheba. He used his power to have sex with Bathsheba. When Nathan the Prophet confronted the king, Nathan said the rich man devoured the lamb. While we are not given insight into how David and Bathsheba’s sexual encounter played out in the bed chambers, God – speaking through the prophet – was very clear. What David did in taking the lamb and devouring it was abuse. In a very real way, David destroyed Bathsheba.
 
I found it ironic that on the same Sunday, a popular pastor in America described his sexual abuse of a teenager as a “sexual encounter” our small church was wrestling through 2 Samuel 13 – the rape of Tamar.
 
As we discussed this difficult topic, I communicated to the church that we would not sweep sexual abuse claims under the rug like so many organizations and churches have done. Instead we would immediately separate the accused, contact authorities, and communicate what was happening with the church congregation.
 
Part of my hope with this letter is to bring to light sin so that the congregation I serve does not have to fear that I, or other leaders in the church, will ignore or minimize sexual abuse.
 
While I pray for you and your family’s well-being and healing, I hope the public consequences of your sin are severe. So severe that generations of pastors understand that sin is not worth it. God told David, “You acted in secret, but I will do this before all Israel and in broad daylight” (2 Samuel 12:12). While there is forgiveness to be found in Christ – there are consequences in this life. It is the entire point of 2 Samuel 12. Forgiveness with consequences.
 
Other than answering and repenting of your sin, please do not enter again into public ministry. You can serve the Church in many wonderful ways, behind the scenes.
 
On a final and personal note, you know that pastoral ministry is hard. It is becoming increasingly hard. You have made it harder for all of the SBC churches you were supposed to be serving. Your sin terrifies me. Not because it is so foreign and unthinkable, but because it is very near to me. While I have never committed physical adultery or fornication, I know that I very well could do so. I know that sexual sin frequently comes knocking on the door of my heart.
 
So, I too need to repent. I repent in the hopes that I will rely on the strength of God the Holy Spirit and not myself. I repent, trusting that the sacrifice of Christ is not only enough to forgive me of my sins, but to keep me from falling.
 
And I repent in the hopes that God will somehow use this fallout for His glory, for your good, and that many sons and daughters will enter into the Kingdom of God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
 
Because of Jesus,
Pastor Nathan J. Norman
 
njn (at) nathanjamesnorman.com

A letter has recently gone viral on the Internet. I saw it on Yahoo! News first. In essence, it is a letter from a Dad disowning  his daughter  for kicking out her homosexual son.

This letter is receiving praise in nearly all the articles I’ve read. This morning I also saw George Takei  (yes, I follow him on Facebook) had posted the letter and wrote “This grandfather is amazing.”

Here is the entire text of the letter:

I think the wide-spread praise of this letter reveals the culture’s current philosophy: “Hate those who hate.”

Now, what the mom did was wrong. If this letter is accurately portraying what happened, this mom hated her son… and that’s wrong.

But then the grandfather turns around and pours hate on his daughter for her hate. He criticizes his daughter for disowning her son, then turns around and disowns her . This is also wrong.

The current philosophy of our culture is “hate those who hate.”

But Jesus said “You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:43-44 HCSB).  

This letter breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that a mother would disown her son. It breaks my heart that a grandfather would return hate with hate. It breaks my heart that so many people praise returning hate with hate.

We all need to be transformed by the gospel of Jesus Christ . . . so that we can return hate with love. Love for this mom. Love for her son. Love for this grandfather. And love for a people who celebrate the things that should break their hearts.

The worst day in my life was October 20, 2009.

I have experienced much pain in my days on earth. Illness, disease, deep depression, persecution, hatred, scorn and torment. But no pain that had come before or since can compare with October 20, 2009.

Several weeks prior, I met Kristin for lunch at the Red Robins in Valencia. After we ordered (I had a teriyaki burger with pineapple) my wife handed me a tube wrapped in Christmas paper.

I smiled.

I knew what it was. “This is a pregnancy test isn’t it?” To this day she still has a hard time surprising me.

We’d been trying to get pregnant for only a short while, and in that moment, as I pulled out the digital test and read the word “pregnant” I was a father.

I was also a health-code violator because I was waving around a tainted instrument in the middle of an eating establishment . . . but no one seemed to care.

The next few weeks were a flurry of events. Doctor’s appointments, early pregnancy classes, decisions about moving to a new home, vitamins, boys names (I liked Hrothgar), girl’s names, excitement, energy, and exuberance!

Then Tuesday came. It was a bright and sunny California day. I spent the morning in our one bedroom apartment studying Hebrew concepts I’d need for my class later in the day. As I tried to focus on the very peculiar text, Kristin called my name from the bathroom. Her voice shook. She didn’t scream but I heard fear in her voice.

I turned the corner down the hallway and what I saw looked like a murder scene.

Blood was everywhere.

Because we had Kaiser Permanente (a sort of uber-HMO), we had to drive outside of the Santa Clarita Valley over to Studio City. Spotting was normal in early pregnancies wasn’t it? I remembered that much from my anatomy and physiology classes. We sped as best as we could, and I cannot recall anything that may have been said in that thirty minute car ride, but I know I prayed and I thought over and over and over, It’s going to be okay . . . It’s going to be okay.

We arrived at the hospital. It’s going to be okay. We waited. It’s going to be okay. And waited. It’s going to be okay. The doctor who saw us told us she needed to perform a rather invasive ultrasound. I watched the screen and held Kristin’s hand. It’s going to be okay.

The screen was dark.

The doctor left the room, then came back in. She said, “I’m very sorry but you are not pregnant.”

She never once said miscarriage. Some of what she said lacked good bedside manner, some it made us angry . . . but then she said, “God is with you in this and I know that this won’t comfort you now, but at least you know that you can get pregnant.”

We drove home.

In my shock I realized that I had just enough time to go to Hebrew class, so I said goodbye to Kristin and got in my car to drive down to Talbot. I started the car, and the serpentine belt fell off.

I stayed home with my wife.

We were depressed. We knew that we were depressed. And we weren’t willing to “put a good face on" in the midst of our grief. But life had to go on. So, I told the staff at the church where I served as a youth pastor about what had happened. I also told the adult volunteers. I spoke with a number of the professors at Talbot, friends and most certainly our family members.

One person proceeded to tell us about the miscarriage in their family which eventually pulled everyone apart.

Another, told us that their miscarriage was the best thing that had happened to them, because they didn’t really want another kid.

Still others told us that maybe it was God telling us that we weren’t ready to be parents.

One of my mentors in seminary, after hearing the entire ordeal said, “That’s the problem with all these early pregnancy tests. Before we had them, a women would just think that she was just having a heavy period.”

And of course, everyone quoted Romans 8:28 – “all things work together for the good of those who love God . . .”

I’ve never wanted to punch people so much in my life. And these comments are just representative of the typical responses people gave to us as we grieved the loss of our unborn child.

Three people in particular consoled me, though. I know Kristin had some good people comfort her too, and there were others who comforted us, but these three in particular comforted me.

1. My pastor at the time, Mike Cobb, listened to what had happened, then got up from behind his desk and threw his arms around me and said, “I’m sorry. I know this hurts.” Tears were in his eyes.

2. My Hebrew professor, Dr. Rigsby said, “I’ve never had to go through the pain of a miscarriage, but my daughter-in-law has,” tears started streaming from his face, “And I don’t know why this happened, Nathan, but just like David said when his child died he cannot come to me, but I can go to him.” Then we were both crying. “Your child cannot come to you, Nathan, but you will one day see this child again.”

3. My pastor’s wife, Terri came into my office a few days later and we talked a little and I actually said, “We weren’t all that far along.” But she corrected me and said. “It doesn’t matter. As soon as you see the word pregnant you are a parent.” And we both cried.

Pastoral Insight

Because I’m a pastor, I need to comment on how people consoled us in our grief. When someone near you is grieving anything, whether a miscarriage, a death, a divorce or other tragedy:

• Don’t tell a story about something similar that happened to you. (This puts the focus on yourself, rather than consoling those who are hurting. If you've gone through a similar pain, you can acknowledge it, the feelings you felt in your grief, but avoid making the conversation about yourself).
• Don’t tell a story about yourself or others who went through a similar situation but turned out okay in the end. (I know you’re trying to give hope here, but to a hurting person this sounds like “suck it up and stop being sad, it’s going to work out you big baby.”)
• Don’t make promises on God’s behalf that God hasn't made. (God promises to comfort through the pain, he has not promised perfect marriages, obedient children, or fertile families. Telling an infertile couple that they’re going to get pregnant is reckless . . . you don’t know.)
• Don’t quote Romans 8:28! (Romans 8:28 is a verse about trusting God. In the midst of tragedy, many of us are trusting God, while simultaneously experiencing pain! Trusting God does not mean we don’t experience pain in our grief. When you quote this verse to a grieving person you harm them twice. First, you fail to acknowledge the legitimacy of their pain. And second, you accuse them of not trusting God.)

Instead of doing these sort of (typical) things, you should:

• Acknowledge their pain and grief. (i.e. “This hurts. This is horrible. I’m sorry.”)
• Sit with them, spend time with them, ask questions, talk about the tragedy or be silent.
• Read a Psalm or passage about comfort. (Psalm 13, 22, 23 are good starting places! The grieving process is not the time to try and perfect a person’s theology.)

It’s about four years later. October 20th didn’t turn out okay. We haven’t become pregnant. We’ve had no real foster placements to speak of. It feels like our life is on hold.

But still . . .

Still we trust in the hesed, the loving-kindness, the faithful love of Yahweh – The One Who Causes Things To Be The Way They Are.

I'm at VBS (Vacation Bible School) right this very moment.

I just finished "being" the Apostle Paul for the third night. And for the most part it's been a blast.

But not tonight.

Tonight, one of the questions Paul asked the kids (as we hid in a room from an "angry mob") was: Have you ever been in a situation when believing in Jesus or talking about Jesus caused you a problem?

And every single group, with the exemption of the fours and under, had a story to tell.

The twelve, ten, seven, six and five year olds all went on and on about how they were excluded, made fun of, ridiculed and shamed by their friends, family members, coaches and teachers for believing in Jesus.

There was no prodding here. There wasn't the usual two minutes of silence waiting for the kids to answer. There was no "parroted tales." Their stories jumped to life immediately. They varied greatly.

And in the darkness of the room, lit only by little electronic tea lights, I found myself wiping tears from my eyes . . . .