This is a follow-up to some of the feedback I have received over the last two weeks.
 
I believe that when a pastor commits adultery, it always carries with it an element of abuse. I have laid out my thoughts below.
 

When A Pastor Pursues a Congregant, He Abuses His Authority

A pastor is called to be the chief servant of a church. Christian leaders are given enormous power and authority so that they can serve their people. When a pastor pursues a congregant, he is misusing his authority to fulfill his sexual desires, rather than using his authority to serve the congregant.
 

Think about it like this:
Imagine you were a mid-level manager in a large corporation. A mailroom kid tells you, “You should change the numbers on the company’s tax information. It will help us make more money.” How much pressure are you feeling to do something immoral? Not much. The kid has no structural power.

Next, a fellow manager comes to you and says, “You should change our tax numbers.” How much pressure are you feeling now? A little bit more, I’d imagine.

Finally, the CEO calls you into his office and says, “You should change the tax numbers.” How much pressure are you feeling now? It is probably enormous. Will you lose your job if you refuse? How will you provide for your family if you lose your income? And even if you keep your job, how could you ever get a promotion after you refused?
 

There is a similar pressure on a congregant when a pastor pursues and pressures her for sex. She loves her church. She has built a network of friends and family. The pastor baptized her children. Maybe he baptized her! And he speaks for God every single week!
 

When a pastor or Christian leader pursues one of his flock for sex, he is abusing his authority for his own sinful gain.
 

When A Pastor Commits Adultery with a Person Pursuing Him, He Abuses His Office

I imagine most people understand and agree that the previous scenario is predatory.
 
The disagreement comes in a situation where a congregant, or non-congregant sexually pursues a pastor. One could argue: While it is still wrong for a pastor to commit adultery with a person who is sexually aggressive with him, there is no abuse involved.
 
I disagree.


Think about it like this:
Jimmy has a major addiction to painkillers. He goes to his neighbor and asks for money, so he can buy the painkillers. The neighbor knows he has a problem, but gives him some money. Is this wrong of the neighbor? Absolutely. The neighbor is enabling Jimmy to sin.

Next, Jimmy asks his friend to swipe some of his grandma’s prescribed pills. His friend does so and gives them to Jimmy. Is this wrong of the friend? Absolutely. The friend is stealing and enabling Jimmy to sin.

Finally, Jimmy makes an appointment with a medical doctor. Jimmy goes into the appointment and offers to pay the doctor $5,000.00 in cash for a year’s supply of pain medication. What should the doctor do? He should refuse, and offer a variety of options to help Jimmy break free from his addiction.

But what if the doctor agrees? The doctor takes the money and writes him a prescription. Is this wrong? Of course. Is this an abuse of the doctor’s role? Absolutely. Is the doctor’s sin more grievous than the sins committed by the neighbor and friend? Certainly.
 
Why?

Because the doctor is not just an average man. He is a man who was licensed by a state after earning a medical degree from an accredited university. He is a man who has taken an oath to “first do no harm.” He, better than most, understands the physiological harm Jimmy is causing to himself, and the social harm he is causing to those around him.
 

In the same way, a pastor is not just an average man. He has been ordained by a congregation, which is not a conferring of authority, but a recognition that God Himself has called this person to guard, lead, and feed the flock of Christ before the foundations of the earth.
 
Just as a doctor should not receive bribe money from an addict, neither should a pastor receive adulterous advances of anyone. His job… His calling requires him to recognize that such advances are symptoms of sin. And like a good doctor, he should refuse the advances and speak of healing, forgiveness, and fulfillment that can only be found in the Lord Jesus Christ.
 
If a pastor or Christian leader commits adultery with a person sexually pursuing him, he is abusing his office.
 

Conclusion

The Apostle Paul commanded young Timothy, “Don’t accept an accusation against an elder unless it is supported by two or three witnesses. Publicly rebuke those who sin, so that the rest will be afraid”
​(1 Timothy 5:19-20 CSB).
 
Thinking my way through these issues has terrified me. I love the Lord, my wife, my children, and my church. I never want to bring shame to them by my actions. And, like all callings, I recognize that I am ill-equipped to do what Christ has called me to do. So, I fearfully pray that God the Holy Spirit will guard me, because I know I am not beyond the sin of adultery – which carries with it a greater violation for pastors.
 
So please pray for me and pray for your pastors.
 
Mostly, though, pray for those who have been abused by pastors – that they might still follow after Christ, find healing in him, and enjoy the fellowship of a church.

Today is my ninth anniversary and I am 8,000 miles away from my wife.
 
I have known my wife for over twelve years. We’ve been inseparable throughout that time.
But for this season, God has called me to Vietnam.
 
I miss my friend.
Especially on our anniversary.
 
I am reminded of John Donne’s poem A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning. Donne, separated from his wife by a great geographical distance, uses a math compass as an image of their love. The further the two points are apart, the further they lean toward the other. The distance draws their hearts closer.
The stationary arm, the wife, causes the writing arm to circle back to its origin. To return home.
 
So, on the other side of the world where God has deemed me to be separated from my wife during our anniversary, I hold onto the beautiful image John Donne has given me.
 
Happy Anniversary, Kristin. May our love and friendship grow even more.

I came home tonight a little later than usual. I carried in pizza as my wife managed the kids. Last night's episode of The Voice was streaming on Hulu in the background.

I'm not much of a TV watcher. But I was tired, so I picked up my son, sat on the couch and started tickling him.

Then I saw the Kingdom of God break through on national television.

Craig Wayne Boyd took the stage and sang "The Old Rugged Cross." As I bounced my son on my knee, I found myself slowing down. Then just holding him. Then I clutched him.

I can't quite explain it. The performance was technically wonderful. The orchestra was spot-on. But there was more there. Even more than the passion in Boyd's voice.

Toward the end of the song, I could barely contain my tears. I tried not to talk. And then, after the performance coach Pharrell Williams asked Boyd, "Going through everything that you've gone through to get yourself here at this place, I have a question for you. What does it feel like to be at the top of your game, and to surrender it to God in front of the whole entire world?"

I don't know anything about Craig Wayne Boyd, but that's exactly what he did. He took all his own fame and glory - and he handed it back to God. Back to the Lord Jesus Christ.

This is what Christians do. This is how the Kingdom of God breaks through into the kingdom of the world.

This is shining the Light of Christ in the darkness.

As this was happening it was time to eat. So we sat down. My wife, daughter and I began to pray. I thanked God for the food, for our family, and then I tried to thank him for seeing the Kingdom of God shinning on The Voice. But I couldn't. My words caught in my throat. I tried to push through it and found I could not. I started weeping uncontrollably.

My wife finished the prayer with the thoughts of my heart - thanking God for letting this song bring him glory before the world.

I wept for several minutes.
My daughter laughed at me "Daddy crying." (She's 2. And simply could not understand what was happening to me.)

To be quite honest, I don't know what happened to me. I wasn't sad. I wasn't even happy. It was the glory of the Lord. I caught a glimpse of his glory. Of his fame. Of his Kingdom.

It was just a glimmer and it overwhelmed me.

We are in the Advent season, where believers celebrate the first coming of Christ while eagerly awaiting his Second Coming. At the first advent the Kingdom of God was inaugurated. At the second the Kingdom will be consummated. In between we see moments of the Kingdom of God here on the earth all the time. This was one such moment.

The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Messiah , and He will reign forever and ever! - Revelation 11:15

Summary: Dr. Robert L. Saucy explores the biblical concept of the heart, as the center of the person’s thoughts, emotions and actions. Focused on the heart, Saucy exegetes the biblical text to find the way of spiritual formation. From the text he shows how “treasures” are stored in the heart, why we act the way we do, and how God can transform a person’s heart (thoughts, emotions and actions).

Review: Minding the Heart – The Way of spiritual Transformation is now on my list of books every Christian should read. (A distinction shared only by three other books).

A plethora of spiritual formation books have flooded the marketplace. Some of them are helpful, but many of them are over-glorified self-help or self-improvement books. Minding the Heart, however, is completely different.

Saucy explores the multi-leveled heart. He doesn’t just tell us that it is a person’s core, but he shows us from scripture how it is. Nor does Saucy give bumper-sticker theology here with band-aid advice. No. Instead he has presented a detailed systematic theology on the heart, its corrupt nature, and its transformation in Christ, as well as how the believer ought to go about opening his heart up to transformation under God’s grace.

What Saucy prescribes in the book is at once terribly difficult, and wonderfully simple. It isn’t so much a work, as a willingness to be worked on. It isn’t a matter of becoming moralists who will ourselves toward good behavior, but a matter of opening the core of our hearts through meditation on the Word of God, prayer, and living in Christian community.

Minding the Heart is a biblical book about spiritual formation. Unlike so many other books on the topic, I didn’t find myself at the end of the book trying to recalibrate my thinking to understand the concept being presented. Instead I found myself being enlightened with insights to the Scriptures. At one point I said to myself, “What Dr. Saucy is writing about is exactly what I’ve seen throughout the Bible.”

This book is brilliant in its simplicity. It gives believers a wonderful understanding of how spiritual transformation takes place. And most of all, it is richly biblical.

Rating: 5/5 (I Loved It!)

Note: I received a physical copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased review.

Today was particularly terrible.

I can't go into all the details... I need to protect the guilty parties.

In a nutshell my day was characterized by doing favors for people taking advantage of me. Having my time disregarded. Having my work dismissed. Being shown incredible disrespect. And a bunch of financial craziness to top it all off.

Then I came home.

Actually, I couldn't come home because the private road I live on was a sheet of four inch thick ice.

So I spent nearly four hours with a coal shovel digging out my road enough to get the cars into the driveway.

When I came home and got stuck I was furious. Fuming. Frustrated. Other f-words. I was already exhausted and then I had to deal with this.

I was probably boiling for about an hour into my shoveling "adventure." I was wet (it started to rain), hungry (I barely ate anything all day) and upset (all I wanted to do was come home and read Amish Vampires in Space).

I started praying.

Not those nice, precious, sentimental prayers. No sir. It was one of those davidic, complain to God about everything that's going on sort of prayers.

I think I already mentioned... I was really angry.

Somewhere in my rabid ranting to the Living God of the universe he brought to mind a lyric from an older O.C. Supertones song, Jury Duty:

The chorus specifically came to mind:

And this just made me angrier.

But I said (still in my furious prayer-mode), "I am flaming-mad. I know I'm going to have to keep shoveling for hours. And I'm going to be angry the whole time, and I'm going to be angry when I come inside to my family. I don't want to be angry... I don't want to be furious, but I can't change. If you don't want me a ball of rage, you're going to have to change me." I shoveled a bit more, then added, "Please help me."

And I'm not sure when it happened. But at some point I started singing that O.C. Supertones song. Then I transitioned to sing the doxology . . . out loud: 

I'm exhausted.

Nothing has changed. All the drama and problems still exist. God didn't take away any of the circumstances.

He changed me.

So, while there's plenty of great philosophical evidences for the existence of God and the resurrection of Jesus . . . here is a simple personal evidence.

God changed me.

The worst day in my life was October 20, 2009.

I have experienced much pain in my days on earth. Illness, disease, deep depression, persecution, hatred, scorn and torment. But no pain that had come before or since can compare with October 20, 2009.

Several weeks prior, I met Kristin for lunch at the Red Robins in Valencia. After we ordered (I had a teriyaki burger with pineapple) my wife handed me a tube wrapped in Christmas paper.

I smiled.

I knew what it was. “This is a pregnancy test isn’t it?” To this day she still has a hard time surprising me.

We’d been trying to get pregnant for only a short while, and in that moment, as I pulled out the digital test and read the word “pregnant” I was a father.

I was also a health-code violator because I was waving around a tainted instrument in the middle of an eating establishment . . . but no one seemed to care.

The next few weeks were a flurry of events. Doctor’s appointments, early pregnancy classes, decisions about moving to a new home, vitamins, boys names (I liked Hrothgar), girl’s names, excitement, energy, and exuberance!

Then Tuesday came. It was a bright and sunny California day. I spent the morning in our one bedroom apartment studying Hebrew concepts I’d need for my class later in the day. As I tried to focus on the very peculiar text, Kristin called my name from the bathroom. Her voice shook. She didn’t scream but I heard fear in her voice.

I turned the corner down the hallway and what I saw looked like a murder scene.

Blood was everywhere.

Because we had Kaiser Permanente (a sort of uber-HMO), we had to drive outside of the Santa Clarita Valley over to Studio City. Spotting was normal in early pregnancies wasn’t it? I remembered that much from my anatomy and physiology classes. We sped as best as we could, and I cannot recall anything that may have been said in that thirty minute car ride, but I know I prayed and I thought over and over and over, It’s going to be okay . . . It’s going to be okay.

We arrived at the hospital. It’s going to be okay. We waited. It’s going to be okay. And waited. It’s going to be okay. The doctor who saw us told us she needed to perform a rather invasive ultrasound. I watched the screen and held Kristin’s hand. It’s going to be okay.

The screen was dark.

The doctor left the room, then came back in. She said, “I’m very sorry but you are not pregnant.”

She never once said miscarriage. Some of what she said lacked good bedside manner, some it made us angry . . . but then she said, “God is with you in this and I know that this won’t comfort you now, but at least you know that you can get pregnant.”

We drove home.

In my shock I realized that I had just enough time to go to Hebrew class, so I said goodbye to Kristin and got in my car to drive down to Talbot. I started the car, and the serpentine belt fell off.

I stayed home with my wife.

We were depressed. We knew that we were depressed. And we weren’t willing to “put a good face on" in the midst of our grief. But life had to go on. So, I told the staff at the church where I served as a youth pastor about what had happened. I also told the adult volunteers. I spoke with a number of the professors at Talbot, friends and most certainly our family members.

One person proceeded to tell us about the miscarriage in their family which eventually pulled everyone apart.

Another, told us that their miscarriage was the best thing that had happened to them, because they didn’t really want another kid.

Still others told us that maybe it was God telling us that we weren’t ready to be parents.

One of my mentors in seminary, after hearing the entire ordeal said, “That’s the problem with all these early pregnancy tests. Before we had them, a women would just think that she was just having a heavy period.”

And of course, everyone quoted Romans 8:28 – “all things work together for the good of those who love God . . .”

I’ve never wanted to punch people so much in my life. And these comments are just representative of the typical responses people gave to us as we grieved the loss of our unborn child.

Three people in particular consoled me, though. I know Kristin had some good people comfort her too, and there were others who comforted us, but these three in particular comforted me.

1. My pastor at the time, Mike Cobb, listened to what had happened, then got up from behind his desk and threw his arms around me and said, “I’m sorry. I know this hurts.” Tears were in his eyes.

2. My Hebrew professor, Dr. Rigsby said, “I’ve never had to go through the pain of a miscarriage, but my daughter-in-law has,” tears started streaming from his face, “And I don’t know why this happened, Nathan, but just like David said when his child died he cannot come to me, but I can go to him.” Then we were both crying. “Your child cannot come to you, Nathan, but you will one day see this child again.”

3. My pastor’s wife, Terri came into my office a few days later and we talked a little and I actually said, “We weren’t all that far along.” But she corrected me and said. “It doesn’t matter. As soon as you see the word pregnant you are a parent.” And we both cried.

Pastoral Insight

Because I’m a pastor, I need to comment on how people consoled us in our grief. When someone near you is grieving anything, whether a miscarriage, a death, a divorce or other tragedy:

• Don’t tell a story about something similar that happened to you. (This puts the focus on yourself, rather than consoling those who are hurting. If you've gone through a similar pain, you can acknowledge it, the feelings you felt in your grief, but avoid making the conversation about yourself).
• Don’t tell a story about yourself or others who went through a similar situation but turned out okay in the end. (I know you’re trying to give hope here, but to a hurting person this sounds like “suck it up and stop being sad, it’s going to work out you big baby.”)
• Don’t make promises on God’s behalf that God hasn't made. (God promises to comfort through the pain, he has not promised perfect marriages, obedient children, or fertile families. Telling an infertile couple that they’re going to get pregnant is reckless . . . you don’t know.)
• Don’t quote Romans 8:28! (Romans 8:28 is a verse about trusting God. In the midst of tragedy, many of us are trusting God, while simultaneously experiencing pain! Trusting God does not mean we don’t experience pain in our grief. When you quote this verse to a grieving person you harm them twice. First, you fail to acknowledge the legitimacy of their pain. And second, you accuse them of not trusting God.)

Instead of doing these sort of (typical) things, you should:

• Acknowledge their pain and grief. (i.e. “This hurts. This is horrible. I’m sorry.”)
• Sit with them, spend time with them, ask questions, talk about the tragedy or be silent.
• Read a Psalm or passage about comfort. (Psalm 13, 22, 23 are good starting places! The grieving process is not the time to try and perfect a person’s theology.)

It’s about four years later. October 20th didn’t turn out okay. We haven’t become pregnant. We’ve had no real foster placements to speak of. It feels like our life is on hold.

But still . . .

Still we trust in the hesed, the loving-kindness, the faithful love of Yahweh – The One Who Causes Things To Be The Way They Are.

This picture embodies my philosophy and style of leadership.

I wish I knew the artist of this wonderful image. I am indebted to his or her visual representation!

In the circles I run in there is a lot of talk about "servant leadership." But in reality, it is far too easy to be the sort of leader in picture #1 -  barking out orders, trying to get people to do the work that you're not willing to do yourself, thinking yourself too high to do "that sort of labor," or micro-managing people's work.

I never want to be like that.

Sure, servant leadership carries with it the risk of failing to delegate (and that tends to be my weakness), but that's not really leadership.

The beauty of picture #2 sees the leader not merely serving, but serving with those he's been called to lead. He is the first to do the hard work, but calls others to join him in the hard work.

So, some colleagues turn their nose down at the fact that I move chairs, scrub bathrooms, and dig holes. But I'm not above any of that.

That brings me to today, and the rest of this week. I am serving with Freedom Builders and helping to improve and repair our neighbor's homes.

I have church work to do, a sermon to prepare, and add to that my wife and I need to heavily repair the new rental we're moving into because it is in severe disrepair.

So, why am I spending at least seven hours a day roofing and painting? Because it is showing the love of Christ in a practical way, and gives us opportunities to share the gospel. I want the congregation I serve to participate in this gospel-work . . . and I want to be the sort of leader in picture #2.

I'm at VBS (Vacation Bible School) right this very moment.

I just finished "being" the Apostle Paul for the third night. And for the most part it's been a blast.

But not tonight.

Tonight, one of the questions Paul asked the kids (as we hid in a room from an "angry mob") was: Have you ever been in a situation when believing in Jesus or talking about Jesus caused you a problem?

And every single group, with the exemption of the fours and under, had a story to tell.

The twelve, ten, seven, six and five year olds all went on and on about how they were excluded, made fun of, ridiculed and shamed by their friends, family members, coaches and teachers for believing in Jesus.

There was no prodding here. There wasn't the usual two minutes of silence waiting for the kids to answer. There was no "parroted tales." Their stories jumped to life immediately. They varied greatly.

And in the darkness of the room, lit only by little electronic tea lights, I found myself wiping tears from my eyes . . . .

I had a good conversation with a good friend of mine (who is currently attending a Becoming the Archetype concert) about presenting evidence to atheistic persons.

He very wisely avoided some peripheral issues (like a six day creation, the virgin birth, and the inerrency of the Scriptures) and drove to the heart of the matter.

I think too often Christians get side-tracked in presenting evidence and we present arguments about issues that are important, but aren't of the utmost importance.

So, when talking to friends who want to discuss the evidence supporting theism and Christianity's truth-claims, these are the topics that are at the heart of the matter:

1. The Existence of God

2. The Objectivity of Morality

3. The Historicity of the Resurrection of Jesus

4. The Problem of Pain (Suffering and Evil)

(Also read a great presentation of this issue by Dr. Doug Geivett)


(5. No Good Positive Arguments for Atheism)

Certainly these videos only touch on these very important topics. But these are the topics I focus on. If friends want to try and side track the conversation away from these points (by pointing to something like the age of the earth), I will simply say, "That is not a central issue of the Christian faith, and you cannot demolish all of theism and Christianity by arguing against a secondary issue."

There are plenty of full-length free videos of debates and talks on these topics and many others over at:

Reasonable Faith.org
Open Biola (Apologetics)

Reasonable Faith YouTube
Dr. Craig Videos YouTube
Dr. Doug Geivett's Blog